Divorce is never easy so it’s important to prepare ahead of time as best you can. The following points will give you a comprehensive overview of the process and the necessary steps that you can take to achieve the best outcome.

1. Get a support team together. Set up your support team as soon as possible for you and your children. Proceed to research and hire the necessary professionals. The stress can be overwhelming so it’s important to get the proper emotional support. There will be lots of decisions to be made so keeping your emotions as manageable as possible will help you make thoughtful choices. You need someone who can help you address the emotions so you can think clearly. A therapist and a divorce coach can help you process the emotions. That way, you will be able to make better decisions. Besides emotional support, you will need legal advice. You will also need financial assistance including tax guidance. Not knowing the tax consequences of your divorce can cost you thousands. Trying to do everything yourself just to save money, can cost you more money in the long run. You want to seek out therapists, coaches, legal and financial professionals, and pastoral counselors.
2. Educate yourself. Gather as much information as you can.  Go online, read books, schedule consultations and ask questions. If you don’t know how the divorce system works, you are much more likely to make mistakes that you will later regret. It’s important to keep in mind that this your life and you are ultimately responsible for the decision-making since no one cares more about your life than you.
3. Put your children first. Model good behavior. Yes – everyone says they will do that but it can be hard when emotions are running high. Think of how the decisions that you make will impact them. Be an individual who is a good enough parent, and a mature enough person to really do what is best for the kids even when it’s difficult.
4. Get copies of all of your financial documents as soon as possible. If your divorce is amicable, you may be able to get your documents any time. But when a divorce gets ugly, financial documents tend to go missing. Since it is impossible to know in advance whether your divorce will go smoothly (even if you want it to do so) the wisest thing you can do is to get copies of all of the financial documents you will need for your divorce as soon as possible.
5. Explore your options when hiring a legal professional. There are other alternatives that you can use for divorce settlement and depending on the relationship with your spouse, you might consider using a more cooperative approach. With that in mind, mediation and collaborative law are options to consider. Learn about your options by having consultations and be prepared with your list of questions. If you decide to hire an attorney, there’s no reason to go with a “shark” especially if your spouse is acting reasonable because that can set the tone for a high conflict divorce. There’s typically conflict to begin with so the idea is to minimize it early. You want an attorney that can be assertive and strong but also professional and respectful. Don’t always go with the professional who charges the least because it might cost you more in the end. And be wary of legal counsel who makes grand promises.
6. Try to negotiate with your spouse if possible which can save you more time and money in your divorce. Lawyers charge by the hour. The court system is notoriously slow. You don’t have to like your spouse. You don’t have to agree with your spouse. But the more you can talk to your spouse about the issues and work out your own deal, the quicker, cheaper, and easier your divorce will be.
7. Protect your valuables. The items that have special meaning for you are irreplaceable. There are some things that money cannot buy. Pictures of your great grandparents, jewelry, and family heirlooms. While you may want to believe that your spouse would never purposely damage, destroy or hide the things that you hold so dear, divorce can bring out the worst in people.
8. Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Divorce has its own timetable based on the participants that being you and your spouse, the attorneys and the courts. You can’t control how fast others will move so let go of your expectation around timing.
9. Don’t get caught in the dramas that occur. Things will change on a dime so be careful not to get swept away in the many ups and downs. Instead focus on the big picture. Set goals and identify your priorities and what is most important to you, and keep your eye on your goals and plans. Stay focused on what matters most to you and let go of the rest.
10. There’s no such thing as emotional justice. The court system will not compensate you for feeling wronged by your spouse. Think of your marriage as a business entity and the legal system is looking to divide it accordingly to the law. The judge’s job is to follow the law and settle your case from a financial perspective. The judge is not interested in the fact that your spouse is acting mean to you.
11. The cost of divorce is measured in more than just money. You want to get your fair share and you want to protect yourself with a settlement that is carefully written to include specific details for future circumstances. However, make sure that what you’re asking for is reasonable which can help settle your case more amicably.  Knowing your priorities makes is easier to decide where you can give a little and where you would like to get. Being overly resistant and insisting on things that don’t necessarily matter that much in the end can negatively impact your mental and physical health, your children and your job. This will then cost you more time, money, and emotional energy than you could ever imagine.  It’s not always worth the fight especially about issues that might not be worth it in the long run.
12. Be careful when it comes to advice. Everyone has an opinion – your friends, your family and acquaintances. People will share their divorce stories and what they have heard with you. However, everyone is unique and there are so many specific details to consider. Most people are not objective with their advice so depending on the discussion be prepared to filter out and set a boundary.
13. Keep it simple when discussing your divorce. Announcing your divorce to others is difficult. Intense emotions can get in the way of expressing your story appropriately.  Together, you and your spouse should prepare a statement that feels right for both of you. Remember less is more. Keep it simple and prepare a short answer to avoid too many details that you might regret at some point sharing.
14. Lack of control is a common feeling in divorce which naturally makes you want to exert control. Realize that you can’t control your spouse or your divorce. And it’s an illusion to think otherwise. The only thing you can control is yourself and how you react to your circumstances. Knowing that your life is your responsibility will give you a better sense of control. When you take responsibility for your life – your decisions and choices, your finances and your kids, it will help you feel empowered and confident. This mindset helps you through the process of divorce so you can move forward and thrive post-divorce.
15. Consider talking to a child psychologist to help your children transition to the many changes. While you may know your kids better than anyone else, you don’t know divorce. A good child psychologist can help you decide how to break the news of your divorce to your children in age-appropriate ways. They can also give you the tools to help your kids adjust to the divorce, and make you aware of any warning signs that will tell you your kids are not handling the situation well.
16. Practice self-care and be kind to yourself. During this time, you are not at your best and it’s okay. You don’t need to be perfect. Don’t be hard on yourself. Treat yourself as you would your child – with love, no matter what. Taking care of your body will help you get through the divorce easier. It will be hard to think clearly when you don’t sleep for days or when too much sugar, caffeine or alcohol gets in your way. Divorce is tough enough as it is. Try not to make it worse by letting your health suffer. And your emotional well-being is just as important as your physical health so be sure to honor your feelings and set boundaries that support you in this way.
17. Check your expectations from the start. Divorce is going to take longer and cost more than you ever imagined. It’s going to be more emotional and more difficult than you want. If you know that from the start, and you don’t expect it to be fast or cheap, you will be way ahead of the game.
18. Don’t listen to angry words from your spouse. Set a boundary by walking away, getting off the phone and disengaging. You don’t have to be subjected to your spouse’s drama. If your spouse is telling you that you are never going to get a dime in the divorce, or that you are a home-wrecker and your kids are going to hate you forever, or any one of the other horrible things that angry spouses yell at each other when they are hurt – don’t listen! Get off the phone or leave the room. This is not productive conversation. It is emotional crazy-making.
19.  Don’t talk negatively about your spouse in front of the children. Children love their parents. Your child is a product of both parents. When you criticize your spouse this personally hurts your child too.
20. Make decisions with your head and your heart. The decisions you make during your divorce can have repercussions in your life for years to come. Think logically and rationally without being overly emotional. Be fair and respectable. Take time when making your decisions unless there’s an urgency. And  typically there isn’t one. The more important the decision, the more you need to consider it carefully. Extend this courtesy to your spouse by giving them enough time for their decisions too.
21. Don’t rush the divorce process and give up just to be done. Don’t throw in the towel too soon. If you just want to get it over, you will make poor decisions and be willing to give your spouse everything. Months to years later you will most likely regret doing this.
22.  Don’t let your divorce consume your life. Don’t give it that much power. When you are first facing divorce, it seems like your life is over but this is a temporary time. Do everything you can to process it and let it go so that you can move on. Once your divorce is over, little by little you will build a new life.  You will grow in ways that you never imagined. You’ll gain wisdom, and strength and you’ll feel happy again.